A

safe
loving
strong
healthy
joy filled
thriving

house (people under and bound by the Husband’s name)

is the focus of a wife.

I am the bride of Christ.

I should be focused on His house.

Why wouldn’t I be?

No. Let me be real.

Why am I not?

Because I’m too busy building my own.

Because I’m in the streets, an adulterous whore, chasing what my flesh (a mind conformed to the pursuits and the ways of operating of this world) believes is a better suitor: riches, popularity, power, and pleasure apart from my Husband for my satisfaction and fulfillment.

But having been out there before, I can tell you definitively, there is nothing good in the streets.

Not one good thing.

So, how did I get here?

By being entangled with unnecessary things and having the fruitfulness of the Word choked out in my life because of the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches (Mark 4:18-19).

By worry of what I will eat, what I will drink or what I will wear and not instead seeking first (foremost) the Kingdom of God (my Husband’s house) so that every other pursuit serves the first one (what it means to “seek first”, Matthew 6:25-34).

By having my mind conformed to this world, seeing myself and measuring myself according to the world’s standards, thereby becoming self-conscious and being seduced into pursuits that profit nothing —not one good thing (Romans 6:21, 12:2).

I repent.

Focus on my Husband’s house is a constant work because the poisonous vines of the world are constantly trying to creep into my life to pull me away and overtake me.

Focus requires husbandry.

Focus requires constant pruning, a taking away of the dead, useless and invasive things that are harmful.

So then, focus requires a constant presenting myself to my Husband.

Focus requires what the Husband provides: sensitivity to the guidance of the Holy Spirit by the heart He gives and protection against its hardening by the washing in the water of the Word, and accountability through the fellowship of the beloved.

I am the bride of Christ.

I should be focused on His house.

When I have lost focus, I regain it by turning to Him.

Remembering His goodness, I return to Him.

But, if He so readily receives me again, does it even matter that I lose focus, that I am seduced away into sin (outside of the circle of love, outside the government of His house -the Kingdom of God [sin state])?

Yes.

Sin does not only offend God, it hurts me too. Sin hardens my heart, leaving scar tissue that decreases my sensitivity to His touch, His voice and His presence.

Yes, when we confess, He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). But the cleansing, Him lifting that scar tissue in the washing of the water by His Word, is a process that takes time to return to the intimacy and fellowship I once enjoyed.

There is no thing better than intimacy with God. It’s too precious to lose, even for a moment.

There is no place better than the House of God.

Now, I remember by the Spirit God has sent forth in the hearts of all who love Him,

“For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.”
— Psalm 84:10

In Your house, serving Your house, with You, is where I want to be.

Help me.

Cleanse my heart, O God.

Renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)

I miss You.